I know I said I wouldn’t get political again after my post about the debate. But, this is important. It’s something I have been dealing with during this election season. So, please, just bear with me and realize that this is less about politics and more about survival.
To all my friends and family who are voting for Trump, I first want to say one thing. I love you all. I really do. I would never judge you based on who you vote for. That is ridiculous. But, I’m about to explain something that is very important to me and I want you to listen. I’m not writing this so you’ll change your mind. I’m not asking you to support Clinton, I’m not a big fan of her either. I just want you to understand why I say Never Trump. My reasons aren’t political. What I do want you to promise me is that when you do read this, you truly just take in what I am saying. Don’t stop and go “yeah, but Clinton …” I don’t care. Like I said, not a huge fan of Clinton. This entry isn’t about her or her husband. It’s about Donald Trump and that’s it.
When the footage of Trump with the hot mic was released, I of course watched the video. I know how media spins things, so I like to hear them for myself. Straight from the horse’s mouth is the best. I was doing ok until I heard Trump say this “Yeah that’s her with the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful… I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything.” I had to pause the video. I sighed heavy and hoped this was the worst of it. I really hoped, in my heart of hearts, Trump wasn’t going to continue to talk about assaulting someone. I composed myself and hit the play button.
Bush: “Whatever you want.”
Trump: “Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”
Grab them by the pussy. I want you to realize that it was this exact moment that I broke. I have been listening to Trump criticize everyone under the sun. I’ve watched his supporters defend him for his racist, misogynistic, anti-LGTBQ, and xenophobic comments. I’ve tried my best to fight for the people he’s lashed out against. I’ve tried my best to show support for those who’ve been hurt by Trump’s words. But this time, this time it was me. I broke. I cried as memories of my sexual assaults (yes that’s plural) flooded my brain. I cried as I remembered the times I was grabbed by the pussy. Oh, wait, you thought those were just words he was using? You thought that was something that didn’t really happen to people? If you think women don’t get grabbed by the pussy you’re either lucky that it’s never happened to you, or you’re a man. The first time I was grabbed by the pussy I was in high school. Yes, high school. I was at a concert and some guy thought it was ok for him to just grab me there and wink at me. He wasn’t my age. What makes the fact that I was still in high school even worse, when I was 17 I looked 14. I’m not exaggerating. When I was a senior in high school people thought I was a freshman. So, a mid 20 to 30 year old man thought it was ok to not only grab a pussy, he thought it was ok to grab a high school girl’s pussy.
There were a few more instances like that as well as having a few guys grab a handful of ass and boob. There was also a full on sexual assault that I won’t be discussing at this time. While those are hard to deal with, what truly flooded my brain and sent me into a fit of tears was my assault when I was with A1. A1 treated me like I was his property. I was there to fulfill his needs. I was the woman and I was there to serve him. One particular night I told him no several times. I rolled over in bed, turning my back to him. He persisted. I continued to tell him no. I felt his hand reach into my underwear and grab me. Yes, he grabbed my pussy. He grabbed my pussy and when I said no again, he didn’t stop. He grabbed tighter and told me “you’re mine and I said yes.” It happened over 10 years ago and I can still hear him whispering those words in my ear. I reached my hand back and I punched as hard as I could into his groin area. Yes, I was aiming for his dick. Yes, I hit it. He made sure I knew that. He threatened to call the cops. I told him it was self defense, that he was trying to rape me. He told me “it’s not rape if we’re married.”
I need you guys to realize something. It isn’t the vulgar language that’s disturbing. I curse like a sailor. The word pussy is no big deal to me. It’s not the word pussy that is the problem with Trump’s statement. It’s the word grab. It’s the fact that he says this after he says he just starts kissing women, he doesn’t wait. It’s the fact that he said he can get away with it because he’s a star. I know a lot of you don’t believe rape culture is a thing. I’m going to be honest with you, for a long time I thought it was bull shit too. I thought people were blowing things out of proportion. I thought there was no way we lived in a country that thought rape was ok. I was wrong. This right here is rape culture. I know a lot you also don’t believe in white privilege. Again, for along time I didn’t either. Then I started actually listening to what people of color were saying. This right here is white privilege. I want you to stop and ask yourselves one question. If Obama had said he just grabs women by the pussy, how would you feel? How angry would you be? Would you be screaming from the rooftops for him to be impeached? Donald Trump is the poster child for white cisgendered male privilege and he endorses rape culture. He IS rape culture.
I know what you’re thinking. My triggers aren’t the problem of the rest of the world. You’re right, they aren’t. They are my problems and mine alone. But I can guarantee you that I was not the only person who was triggered by Trump’s comments. But, it’s not just triggers that are the problem. There is a case against Trump for raping a girl when she was 13. Yes, 13. If you’d like to view the court filing you can do so here: Case 1:16-cv-07673. It’s set for pre-trial on December 16, 2016. Oh, you think she’s just after money? Then why say she was 13? This also isn’t the first time Trump has had a lawsuit of a sexual nature against him. In 1997 a possible business partner, Jill Harth, filled a sexual harassment suit against Trump. He led her into one of the hotel rooms during a tour, pushed her against the wall, and started groping her. During a business tour. She said in court that he was trying to kiss her. Wait, you mean he didn’t wait? He just started kissing her? You mean, the words he said on that hot mic video weren’t just words? They were actually accounts of things that he’s done? YES! That’s exactly what I’m saying.
Now, you can brush all this off and vote for him anyway if you want. I don’t expect to change your mind or your vote. What I do expect is that you respect me for my choice. I expect you to understand is that I have been treated like property. I have been treated the way Trump thinks he can treat women. I have been groped, raped, assaulted, and grabbed by the pussy. I have been afraid of a man that I lived with. Afraid to lay next to him at night. I want you to understand that I won’t be silent any longer. You may call me loud, rude, obnoxious, out of control, or whatever else you might think I am. I no longer care. I will not be silenced. I’m not mad at you. I just want you to understand.