I have an amazing group of online friends. They are honestly some of the best friends a person could ask for. I’ve known many of them for years and during those years they have helped me with so many problems. When I was still with A2 I vented to them a lot. They reassured me that my feelings were valid and that I was right to feel upset. One of them even pointed me toward gaslighting when she read about what was going on. I read the link she provided and searched myself like she had suggested only to find out that gaslighting was definitely something I was experiencing.
One thing that I will always remember is another friend of mine telling me that eventually I would stop caring and that when that time came I would snap and finally break up with A2 for real. I thought she was crazy. Why would I stop caring? Wouldn’t that just make me heartless? I’m not heartless! I expressed my thoughts to her and she just kind of chuckled and said we’ll see. The day I had enough her words rang in my head like the sirens of an ambulance A2 would call because he had a hive.* One day you’ll just stop caring. It echoed. She was right, oh so right. I had stopped caring weeks before that day. I had started coming home from work, making dinner, and sitting at my computer with headphones in binging on Supernatural.
My son had peed his pants that day. No big deal, he had just turned 3 earlier that month and he was still potty training. I promptly took him into the bathroom and gave him a bath. When I got done I got him dressed and came back out to the living room to see puddle of semi-dried piss still sitting on the tile floor. My friend was right about something else, I snapped. Everything A2 had ever done wrong, and that’s a LOT, just flooded to the surface. I snapped, but I didn’t yell. I cleaned up the pee and told him we were done. I told him he had 30 days to get out. After that, I didn’t engage. He tried to talk to me, to manipulate me into telling him nevermind. It had worked in the past, but not that day. When he tried to get loud, I put on my headphones and went back to Sam and Dean.
Something you should always keep in mind, it’s hard to clearly see the situation when you are immersed in the center. When your friends bring up the big red flags, take noticed, they are usually right.
*Yes, a SINGLE hive. A2 literally tried to say he had an allergic reaction because whatever it was that particular day (I think a medication) gave him what he claimed was A HIVE.