SPOILER WARNING!! If you haven’t watched episode 4 of 13 Reasons Why, and you don’t want any spoilers, then stop reading! Consider yourself warned.


First off, I must confess. I’ve been binge watching. So, while you’re reading one post a day, I’ve been watching 2 episodes a day minimum. I’m blogging after each episode and scheduling the posts to go live in order each day. I actually had to cut myself off tonight because it’s late and 6 am comes early. Anyway, let’s get to it.

Ok, so maybe Tony isn’t horrible. He still seems a bit shady to me, but I think he’s really just watching out for Clay. I think he realized how much Clay meant to Hannah. Or maybe he truly was Hannah’s friend and knows how much all of this means to her, how much Clay means to her. What I can’t quite understand is how Hannah keeps fishing for friendship when it’s standing right next to her at the movie theater. Clay seems like a good guy. Yes, he definitely likes Hannah, but he also seems like the kind of guy that is totally ok with just being friends if that’s all she wanted.  Then again Clay is also ready to jump when he’s invited to Bryce’s house. I think that has a lot to do with Clay wanting answers without listening to the tapes. I still can’t quite tell if Clay is afraid of what’s on the tapes or just has a hard time hearing Hannah’s voice. Probably a mixture of the two.

Tyler is the subject of the tapes in this episode. Tyler, the creepy stalker who likes to take pictures. Tyler’s pictures ruin the short lived friendship between Hannah and Courtney. Courtney, the girl who apparently doesn’t want to be outed. Tyler is the first instance of crossing the line from bullying to flat out illegal. I’m sure in his head he never meant to hurt Hannah, but that doesn’t make it any better. I’m still on the fence about Clay’s new justice for Tyler though. My first instinct is to say fuck that kid, he got a big dose of his own medicine. But, ruining someone else’s life isn’t quite the best option.

On to Bryce. Is he the true asshole? He seems like the Brock Turner type. The rich football captain who can get away with whatever he wants. When we first saw that Justin was hiding out at Bryce’s we heard Bryce tell him he can stay as long as he needed, but to keep Bryce out of whatever was going down. Justin & Co are only befriending Clay to keep Bruce from getting the tapes. I’m guessing that means there is a tape about Bryce. It also seems like the tapes are somewhat going in order. We know that Justin, Jessica, Alex, Marcus, Zach, and Tyler have all listened to the tapes. That leads me to believe that Clay’s tape is one of the last tapes. It also leads me to believe that so is Bryce’s. Bryce very well might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back with Hannah.

On a more somber note, this is officially the first episode that made me cry. Watching Hannah’s dad break down did me in. Not just because I can see him crying and see him finally break, but because it fed into my own fears. My 16 year old daughter battles anxiety and depression. There have been times that I’ve broken down just thinking that the thought might cross her mind. When she confessed to me that it had, I lost my shit. Not to her, but I lost it. People think you just can’t imagine your life without your kids. While that is certainly true, it’s also more than that. I can’t imagine either of my children not feeling the butterflies in their stomach when they have their first kiss. Getting to experience the awkward blushing and nervous laughter when you realize the person you like more than friends likes you that way too. I want them both to experience the sense of victory you get when you graduate high school and get to say goodbye after 4 years of the weirdest and possibly hardest part of your life. The pride and accomplishment of finishing college. I want my kids to live not just because I would miss them if they were gone, but because I want them to experience life. There are many things in this world that seem like they are going to shit. We’re on the brink of what very well may be another world war. But, there is also so much good. Look how far we’ve come with basic human rights. Yes, we still have  long way to go, but we’ve made giant steps in the right direction. My teenager also loves science. Maybe she’ll be a scientist. She hasn’t decided yet. She just knows she wants to do something in the medical field. She’s thought about something involving patient care. I know that she’ll get the same joy out of working with patients as I do. Thinking that she may end her life and never get to experience the emotion of hugging a patient who just lost their spouse, knowing how much they appreciate you grieving with them, that is what makes me cry. I could see the sorrow in Hannah’s dad. I could feel his anger. Anger at knowing his daughter would never experience the joys of life, that all she felt was pain.

This episode was hard and I know it only gets harder.


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