13 Reasons Why: Recap

SPOILER WARNING This entry contains spoilers for the Netflix show 13 Reasons Why. If you haven’t seen or finished the show, and don’t want spoilers, I highly advise to turn back now.

If you have finished the show then you know there is also a TRIGGER WARNING for rape, violence, and suicide.

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The show as a whole is great. As hard as some of the scenes were to watch, I feel like they were completely necessary. It really helped convey the emotions. I think this is definitely a show that both parents and teenagers need to watch. Teenagers so they know they aren’t alone and parents so they can have a better understanding of what goes through a kid’s head at times like these.

Some of the things that happen to Hannah seem small. But when you look at the whole picture you realize that everything just piled on. This is why it’s so important to not do the things that seem stupid and small. Like Tony says, you never know what someone is going through. What may be small and insignificant to you might be the straw that breaks the camels back to someone else, or even start a snowball effect like it did with Hannah.

What really got me though is that I couldn’t help but stop being so concerned about Hannah and start worrying about the other characters. Jessica, for example. While I absolutely feel for Hannah that she was raped, the truth of the matter is Hannah is gone. Jessica is still around. I stopped feeling upset for Hannah and started feeling heartbreak for Jessica. I think Clay went through the same thing. While he wanted justice for Hannah, when he got to Jessica’s rape he wanted to help her. Hannah was on his back burner. I have to say I respect him for that.

Watching the school flop around trying to avoid a lawsuit rather than trying to actually worry about the safety of the kids was terrifying. Mainly because it seems like that’s exactly how things would go. The depression and suicide awareness bull shit forum that they tried to hold was laughable. To be fair, that part wasn’t all the school’s fault. The material they have out for spotting depression isn’t 100% accurate. There are so many people who are high functioning depressives. They are the fake it till you make it crowd. On the outside, what they show the world, is the polar opposite of the internal struggle they deal with every day. I think that’s part of the reason this show is so important. It will hopefully start the conversation.

What it really all comes down too is that I hope this show helps. I hope it not only starts the conversation but also helps end the stigma. The stigma surrounding mental disease is both horrifying and terrible. Especially when you’re a teenager. People love to just tell you that you’re just feeling normal teenage angst or that you need to just get over something because it’s small and insignificant. Even if you’re not depressed or don’t have any other mental health issues, being a teenager can be pretty hard. Your brain is not fully developed and you don’t quite know how to process things properly all the time. The smallest things can seem like they are the end of the world. I think it’s important for us as parents to not only listen to our kids but to remind them that it will be ok and help them through whatever it is they are going through, even if it seems small to us.

I really hope they do a 2nd season. I found myself really worrying about the other kids.

13 Reasons Why: Tape 7 Side A

SPOILER WARNING: If you haven’t watched 13 Reasons Why season 1 episode 13, and you don’t want spoilers, then this is your warning to click out of this entry.

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There is a trigger warning for this episode for graphic suicide. This entry talks about suicide and rape.

Mr. Porter, you asshole. So because Hannah said oh no, not like that, you do nothing. Because Hannah was scared about revealing her rapist you told her to move on. Let me just repeat that. The school’s counselor told a rape victim to just move on. The sad thing is this is how things actually work. What’s worse is that now that the tapes are finally out, Brock Turner, I mean Bryce Walker, probably won’t even be prosecuted. Or if he does he’ll serve one of those rich white guy sentences because god forbid they let something like rape get in the way of his future. Although, Jessica told her dad. Being that he’s ex military something might actually get done.

Hannah’s suicide was hard to watch. I know what it’s like to press a razor blade to your wrist. To hesitate for a second and decide if you really want to do it. My hesitation saved my life, but Hannah’s didn’t save hers. I stopped, slid to the floor of the shower, and just cried. I wasn’t quite as empty as Hannah. Watching her mom and dad’s reactions was also hard. This whole scene just hit so close to home in so many ways that it was just super hard to watch. I almost paused it, but I made it through. Mainly because I felt if I stopped I might not turn it back on.

I think Hannah wanted Clay to have the tapes almost last because he’d know what to do with them. She knew that he’d try and make things right and if he had them first, no one else would have heard them. No one else would have believed any of it.  Tony convinced himself it was what Hannah wanted so it was ok. Not like Clay who wanted to scream to the world what happened. Maybe that’s his mother’s side of him, being a lawyer and all.

Tyler, ok so why in the hell does Tyler have all those guns? Is he gearing up for a school shooting or something? That would be my guess.

I’m worried about Justin. Where will he go? Will he be ok? I hope we will be able to follow his story.

By the end of the episode it’s confirmed that Alex was the person in the ambulance. He shot himself in the head. I’m guessing he just couldn’t take the stress anymore. Maybe he was worried about his dad finding things out.

They set things up for season 2. We’ll just have to wait and see if that happens.

Squares and Parallelograms

If you’ve ever taken a geometry class you’ll know that while all squares are parallelograms, not all parallelograms are squares. The same is true with abusive and toxic relationships. While all abusive relationships are toxic, not all toxic relationships are abusive. It’s important that you understand the difference as sometimes the lines can be thin.

Abusive relationships consist of manipulation, control, emotional stress, and at times physical and/or sexual abuse. These are all things that are 100% toxic. But there are also many things in life that are toxic that don’t qualify as abuse.

Toxic relationships can come in many forms. Some may be toxic yo just you. Others may be toxic to both parties involved. Some can be fixed and some cannot. You may be great friends with someone until you live together. Once you live together you find you constantly butt heads and you’re always fighting. Whether you’re in a romantic relationship or a platonic one, this happens quite often.

Another toxic component that isn’t abusive is not accepting someone for who they are. While it may not be abusive to tell your son that you won’t show up to his wedding because he’s marrying another man, it is most certainly toxic. You might have been the most amazing mother while he was growing up. Taking him to soccer practice, helping with homework, providing warm meals or a roof for any of his friends in need, getting excited when he went to prom with the cute blonde girl from his science class. But, then he came out and you didn’t approve. That’s all it takes. But, I’m a great mom, you say. Are you though? That one thing makes you more toxic than you could ever realize. It’s all it takes to be toxic.

I’m pointing all of this out because I see the two terms misused a lot. Many seem to think that they are interchangeable, which just isn’t the case. Yes, abusive is always toxic. It’s harmful and in most instances it can’t be fixed without leaving. But, if the relationship is toxic there are ways to fix it. Sometimes just changing the relationship dynamic helps. Realizing that the pair is better off as friends rather than lovers can actually work. Telling your best friend that while you love them so very much, you just can’t live with them, can work.

Please, be aware of this when you are trying to help someone realize they have a toxic or abusive relationship.